After several months of hype surrounding the Columbus Civic Center’s most recent development, the new “VIP lounge” is finally here. 

The space was diligently designed to attract only the finest of Columbus’ valued guests. Tourists from all across the nation are surely aspiring to find themselves inside the Civic Center’s new sophisticated and exclusive atmosphere.

With an aesthetic vibe akin to that of a mafioso shell company’s hookah bar, it’s clear that no expense was spared when planning and constructing this luxurious space, which must have cost tens of dollars to complete.

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Finished with a ravishing view of the downstairs restrooms, the 200-square-foot crawl space under-the-stairs has been elegantly retrofitted with poorly-hung uneven wallpaper and only the finest of second-hand Ikea furniture that the Columbus Consolidated Government can offer.

The low-sloping ceilings formed by the underside of the building’s main staircase provide guests with the luxurious real-feel illusion of being inside the office of a Russian prison warden. The vibe is enhanced by its carefully-selected location next to the building’s metal detector security checkpoints, providing visitors the complete experience of being inside Ivan’s back-room office as he shakes down his “business associates.”

The esteemed space’s luxurious amenities also include two flat screen televisions similar to what might be purchased from the “open box” shelf of your local Best Buy location, as well as several standard electrical outlets.

Beams of sharp fluorescent light were carefully engineered to resonate through breaks in the room’s privacy curtain, allowing valued “VIP” guests to share in the ambient experience of the city’s hoi polloi as they walk through the building’s entrance just feet away.

The thin fabric curtain also provides the lounge’s exclusive clientele with magnificent views of the Civic Center’s carefully-decorated parking lot, which has been pain-stakingly adorned with circular patterns of tire tracks by local automotive artists; a multimillion-dollar artistic exhibition that visitors won’t want to miss.

City officials have coordinated for years to ensure this majestic artistry continues to present the true value of Columbus to the world. The overall aesthetic produced at the Civic Center truly compliments the branding efforts of our competent community leaders and their ever-increasing economic impacts over the last decade. 

The project was originally announced through a press release published by VisitColumbusGa on August 16, 2022.

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The full text of the press release reads as follows:

“Columbus Civic Center is proud to announce a community partnership with Columbus Airport. Columbus Airport's First Class Lounge will be located conveniently in Columbus Civic Center adjacent to the arena floor. The state of the art lounge will allow arena guests to enjoy an exclusive experience. First-class guests can use the quicker, shorter premier access lines while attending their favorite events. Amenities such as premium food and snacks, fully stocked bars, fast WiFi and plentiful power outlets will be available. In addition, signature spirits will be served including a rotating craft beer selection. With the recent expansion of Columbus Airport now operating American and Delta Air Lines, the new partnership will encourage guests and Columbus Civic Center's clients to make Columbus Airport their preferred method of transportation. "We believe a partnership with Columbus Airport will enhance Columbus Civic Center through innovative design and co-branding as we collectively attempt to bring Columbus, Georgia to new heights". - Columbus Civic Center Marketing Manager Kanise Wiggins Columbus Civic Center will begin preparing for renovation in August. The new Columbus Airport First Class Lounge is expected to be completed this Fall.”

The press release was then hyped-up by local mainstream news stories published by both WRBL and WTVM, furthering the false advertisement narrative of the “luxurious” lounge.

That false narrative would soon be dispelled by the Civic Center’s own staff during a very public city council meeting.

After city manager Isaiah Hugley inadvertently learned of the Civic Center’s plans through a news story instead of through the proper city channels, Hugley asked the Civic Center to send a representative to brief the city council of their developmental plans. Hugley was not happy about being kept out of the loop.

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The Civic Center’s own director, Rob Landers, delivered that presentation during the city council meeting held on August 23, 2022. Landers delivered a visually-confusing and car-salesman-like slideshow presentation of how the civic center plans to stay relevant in the near future.

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While delivering his presentation, Landers  openly admitted the VIP lounge was intentionally designed to mislead the public into believing it would be far more luxurious than the project actually was. After being asked how much the VIP lounge was going to cost, Landers smiled candidly while telling the city manager the following:

“We have a way of saying (smiles and rolls eyes), as they say, you gotta fake it till you make it. So when we put it out from a marketing standpoint, we want it to sound big and very grand and robust, when the reality of it is we’re just changing out the tile and carpeting and adding some seating. But it gives somebody the experience that we’re creating a premium atmosphere.”

Hugley was not pleased with Landers’ attitude, which can be plainly seen through Hugley’s words and stern facial expressions when addressing Landers in the video below. The exchange begins at the 4:07:45-mark of the video, but be sure to come back and catch the conclusion of this article:

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As shown in the video through Landers’ words and hustler-like approach to managing the city’s resources on behalf of the taxpayer, Landers apparently didn’t realize two key things: Firstly, you don’t say that part out loud. Secondly, everyone else will be able to see the shoddy half-baked improvements, as they visibly differ from the false advertising — which Landers also shamelessly admitted, out loud, in a public meeting, for everyone to readily hear. Sheesh. 

We at the Muckraker knew better. 

The second we caught wind of this “marketing effort,” we immediately published a story in anticipation of the project’s inevitably underwhelming results. The quippy catch-phrases and “amazing” verbiage provided by city officials set off every alarm bell in the Muckraker’s office. The quips are in fact that predictable.

As published in our breaking article on the project back on August 17:

“However, the lounge may reveal to only be another example of a house of cards being built upon a weak foundation. Time will tell how attendees value the construction of a VIP lounge instead of first solving the increase in high-crime activity at the Civic Center and the surrounding community; a series of violent problems that continue to affect their immediate day-to-day lives. After all, no one likes to spend their time and money in a gang-ridden wasteland covered in tire tracks and broken glass.”

We hate to say we told you so, but we did. 

Clearly, only the most cultured aristocrats are even capable of appreciating the finely-acquired tastes of interior design offered by the Civic Center; common folk like you and our staff at the Muckraker aren’t expected to see the value of this chíc “premium atmosphere.”

We also wonder where the remainder of the project’s allocated budget actually wound up, as it is quite clearly not hanging on the walls of the Soviet-era knockoff version of a “VIP lounge” constructed by the Columbus Civic Center. 

We’ll leave you again with an exclusive view of this luxurious masterpiece aimed at saving the city through tourism:

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Facts are stubborn things — and we’ll keep publishing them, whether city officials like them or not.

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